Vaginal Dilators: What, Why, How?

If you’ve been dealing with pelvic pain, painful sex, or a sense of tightness or tension in your pelvic floor, you may have come across something called vaginal dilators—maybe from your pelvic floor therapist, a doctor, or just a late-night Google search.

They can look a little intimidating at first. And they kinda look like dildos? Are they dildos? What the h*ll are they?!

Let’s break it down.

Yes, they do kinda look like dildos, but smooth and varying sizes. Also - they can be a medical tool, not a sex toy. 

What Are Vaginal Dilators?

They’re actually a really common and supportive tool for working with pelvic floor dysfunction, especially if tension, fear, pain, or medical trauma are part of your story. They are also used after vaginioplasty to prevent narrowing of the canal. 

Sometimes you’ll see them called vaginal trainers. They are smooth, tube- or wand-shaped tools designed to be inserted into the vagina (but there are also dilators for the anus!). 

They usually come in a set of increasing sizes, so you can gradually work your way up as your body becomes more comfortable and less reactive. They’re often made of medical-grade silicone, plastic, or glass, and should always be used with plenty of lube and ideally with guidance from a provider (like a pelvic floor therapist). (P.S. Do not use silicone lube on silicone dilators.) See our recommended dilators with comparison of different products.

Why might you use vaginal dilators: 

• You have tight pelvic floor muscles

• If you have difficulty inserting things into the vagina (penis, toy, fingers, menstrual products). This can be the case with vaginismus. 

• You experience pain with intercourse 

• You experience spasms 

• You feel disconnected or fearful of insertion 

• You’ve had vaginioplasty and need to maintain vaginal width and depth

• After radiation or hysterectomy 

What do dilators do: 

• Gently stretch tight pelvic floor muscles

• Release trigger points 

• Increase comfort with insertion

• Rebuild trust and safety in your body

• Support healing from pain with sex, medical exams, or trauma

• Aid in the mind-body connection to train the brain to release muscles at varying or increasing amounts of depth and width 

How do you use vaginal dilators?

While they do work with the body physically, nervous system safety is a huge part of how they work. If your body is clenching or guarding out of fear, anxiety, or pain anticipation, simply “inserting something” won’t help.

That’s why dilator work often includes:

• Breathwork

• Visualization

• Affirmations
  Nervous system regulation techniques

• Boundaries and self-consent practices

In other words, it’s not just “stick it in and stretch.” It’s about slowly teaching your body, brain, and pelvic floor: You’re safe now. You’re in control.

They are also meant to be used GRADUALLY! Often people come to me after already trying dilators on their own without any guidance, saying it didn’t work for them and it was painful so they just stopped and haven’t touched the box since. 

Working with a pelvic floor therapist can help you use them in a supportive way. In our program, Less Pain, Greater Pleasure, we go in depth together on how to use dilators and support your nervous system in the process. 

If you’re having pain with sex, check out our free guide to get you started.