5 Tips for Using Dilators With Confidence
Using dilators doesn’t always go as easily as it might seem. Or maybe it seems deathly scary and you don’t even know where to start, let alone if you want to. Maybe you’re using dilators and you’re having a hard time bumping up to that next size towards your goal.
Here’s some tips to help you have success with vaginal dilators:
It’s not a race!!!!
I cannot express this enough. You will move more quickly and successfully if you do not try to rush the process. I know you’re over it. I know you want to be done with them. But trust me on this. Take. Your. Time. The more you take your time, the better you will progress.
Dilators are not just a magic wand to stick inside the vagina and suddenly there’s tons of room for activity in there. They are a tool to help you with your brain body connection. Therefore, we need to actually focus on the brain body connection piece. This can take time. But when you really listen to, communicate with, and work with the body…you’ll spend less time overall dealing with this issue.
Grade your exposure.
Similarly to it not being a race, meet yourself where you are. There is no step too small.
If having dilators even in your room sends you into a panic…then keep 'em in the hallway! Use nervous system tools to feel more regulated and THEN bring them into the bedroom.
Same concept when you’re actively using them. If having the smallest dilator inserted is causing your heart to pound out of your chest or creates a jolting pain…stop. Pause. Take a step back. Maybe two steps back. Listen to your body. Find a point that feels comfortable and you feel grounded. Then slowly progress to a bit of discomfort or where your anxiety would normally just start to emerge. Use nervous system techniques and then once that area feels more comfortable and the anxiety dissipates, then you can move a little further. Key word “a little”. Remember, it’s not a race, take your time.
Use your nervous system strategies BEFORE and DURING your dilation time.
Your body’s response to what’s happening is everything. We want your nervous system at the forefront so you can work with your body.
Before you even use them, engage in what feels good for you to get in the mood, to feel more regulated and ready for the process. This could be dancing, stretching, meditating, anything that helps you feel more at ease.
During dilation, consistently turn to your tool kit of strategies (that you practice beforehand!!), while you progress. Remember, dilators are about that brain-body connection. Anxiety, fear, stress…these are the result of energy needing to be processed in the body. The body is communicating needs and deeper experiences or understanding that it is not fully safe. So by using these strategies while dilating, you can better communicate with the body. This helps the muscles relax, decrease the pain response, and decrease anxiety.
Don’t dilate while watching TV.
Now if you’re dilating because of vaginoplasty, vaginal stenosis, post radiation therapy treatment, etc., then this can be more acceptable. This is because in those situations, we are dilating also just to genuinely stretch the tissues and maintain their elasticity.
However, if you’re dilating with vaginismus and working on that brain body connection, then being present is going to help that. When watching TV, you can be distracted and not fully connected to your body. Dilators can be more effective when we actively tune in and pay attention to the body’s needs and sensations.
Use affirmations while dilating.
Noticing feelings of shame around the genitals or inserting something into the vagina? Speak affirmations out loud that are believable to you to combat that.
Our beliefs and the way we talk to ourselves matters. It can literally rewire the brain! Saying something like “I deserve pleasure”, “my body is safe”, or “my body is normal”, can help bring that belief further into your reality. When you believe these things to be true, it can help you engage in the activity of insertion. Just make sure they’re something you can believe. If the affirmation seems too out of reach for you to believe, it can be harder for that affirmation to feel true in the body.
These tips are not one size fits all. Do what feels best for you and your body. At the end of the day, listening to your needs and autonomy is what brings big transformations.
Remember the power you hold. You have the power to change the way you think, feel, and respond. You are capable of overcoming this and you are capable of making those big transformations.
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